woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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