after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
