well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize