The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
