Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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