I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had to cum in my sink.
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