i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
