Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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