My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
