i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
