you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
