Who wears a wallet chain?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
