Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
