I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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