im about as happy as oj after his trial
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
pray to the hookup gods
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
