Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
