Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
