she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
