The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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