Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
