All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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