Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
