All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
