My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
