Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
