then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
