don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
