It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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