I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
