I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
