hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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