So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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