I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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