Don't you send me to vm
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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