he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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