I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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