Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
