True but thats because hes a fetus.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
