I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
