True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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