He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She announced her abortion via fbk
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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