do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
