a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
