Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All I want is dick and wine.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
