just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
