I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
