Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
