It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
