Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
