saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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