Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
