You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
there is glitter all over my balls
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
