making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
