It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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