we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
