If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
