Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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