apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
