I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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